Musings From the Farm and Other Thoughts

The Art of Waiting

2010-08-04T17:18:00.000-07:00

Recently I had a doctor's appointment and, as sometimes happens, the doctor was a little backed up so I had to wait a while. It's not the norm for this particular doctor, but it really wouldn't matter. I had to wait, so wait I did.

There were a few others waiting along with me, and everyone chose to cope with the wait a little differently. One young woman pulled a magazine off the rack, and was thumbing through, reading articles along the way. She was with a young man, and he pulled out his cell phone and spent nearly all his time busily texting. Another older woman also read one of the magazines. And the last person, an older gentleman, spent is time drifting between napping with his eyes closed and watching the goings on in the office and waiting room.

At first, I thought I'd pull down a magazine, but after looking at the titles I gave that idea up. I rarely use my cell phone, and to be honest I don't even know where it is at this moment. I think on the sofa in my office at home, but I could be wrong about that. I did spend some time toying with a nap, and did watch the goings on in the office and waiting room. How else would I remember what everyone did or who they were?

After a few minutes my mind started to wander and I thought about waiting in general. I'm sure you have known, or are, one of those people for whom waiting is a serious chore. It's hard to keep still, harder to focus on the wait (what is to focus on?) and anxiety builds as you consider the minutes ticking past while you're being kept from the myriad of other things you could, or should, be doing.

I remember when I lived in San Jose and faced my commute home from Santa Clara to South San Jose. I, along with everyone else on the road, hit the streets driving home begrudging every second spent on the drive, particularly the waits at street lights, stop signs, and in general just being behind someone else. Goals were short dashes between where you were and where the next stop would be. Frustration mounted as others frantically squeezed their cars in front of you, cut you off, or were too pokey and unconcerned with hurrying so kept you from your goal of zipping up to your next stop. I do remember it well. I don't know how many people look at their drives this way, but by the enraged faces during a traffic jam, I think it's quite a large portion of the people out on the road.

Recently I drove to Los Angeles to visit my daughter. It's a long drive, about 400 miles each way and it all has to be got through. I had some music, some audiobooks, and memories and general thoughts to keep me company for the ride. I set my cruise control at a CHP acceptable speed and made the most of the drive as the miles zipped by. While I was on my merry way I was passed very speedily by a lot of other cars. Speedily isn't really an accurate description... maybe screamed by?

As I watched, and at times feared for my life, it struck me that they were all trying to eat up the miles by being 1st in line on the freeway. As you know it's really not possible to be first, as you zoom by there's always someone to overtake. And, depending on speed, someone to overtake you. And the time that you save by screaming by is probably negligible when it comes to time saved. I suppose it's more a factor of feeling in control of time, but that's just my take on it.

Speeding, cutting people off, and generally being crazy on the road has been around probably since cars were invented. Nothing new, something we've just all gotten used to. We've labeled the worst of it road rage, and generally tolerate the rest, or get angry, or oblivious, or ...

Since moving to the foothills and spending the majority of my time on rural roads behind logging trucks, hay trucks, horse trailers, sightseers, not to mention bicyclists and others, I've pretty much given up my need for speed. If you're behind me on the road you're probably trying to get around me yourself since I'm not particularly concerned about my speed anymore, although I know the roads well so I'm not particularly slow. If I'm pulling my horse trailer you can be sure I'm going at a whopping 55MPH, the official speed limit for pulling a trailer. I do have to admit my calm and tolerance can be stretched once in a while. But I just try to take a deep breath, enjoy the scenery, feel grateful for the opportunity to live where I do, and sit back and enjoy the ride.

I also used to spend a lot of time being anxious about being effective, speedy and efficient getting things done around the ranch. What's the most effective way of feeding the horses, the route to drive the quad and feed, how to make up the buckets of supplements (when needed) as quickly and efficiently as possible. If I have 27 things to do, what is the most efficient order and what's the plan for getting them done. I realized I was getting myself awfully stressed out trying to plan the right route or order of things in order to be efficient. And what was my efficiency gaining me? Another 10 minutes to do something else efficient, another 5 minutes of sleep (actually a worth objective but the stress overhead, well...), or what?

Meanwhile, I'm trying to get more into the present, smell the roses, enjoy my time with the horses and not scare them all away exercising Type A personality traits. Clearly this mad dash to achieve everything as quickly as possible, every day, every minute is not achieving any of the personal goals toward being in the moment and creating a calm environment for PERN's horses of which some are already losing their minds just by their proximity to humans.

So I took the first step. I took off my watch. So really, I have no idea how long it takes me to feed the horses, accomplish a particular task, mix up a bucket, move horses from one pasture to another, fix a water line, repair an electric fence, replace the front (once again) on my new feeders. Really, no idea at all.

When I'm at work I sit in front of a computer all day. I have Outlook keeping track of time and reminding me of all my work commitments. I don't need a watch. And when I'm off the clock, as they say, I'm really off the clock. What difference does it make if it takes me an hour, or 10 minutes to feed the horses? Of course the sun might set, but with headlamps, flashlights and the quad's headlights I've overcome that problem many times. If not, well it will just have to wait for another day.

I've definitely meandered around on this subject, so back to the whole thing about waiting. I am of another generation (call me old if you want, I don't really care). I've been playing in high tech forever, but since I've spent a large portion of my working day on the phone for many years, being on the phone in any way, shape or form just doesn't do it for me. I doubt I'll ever be interested in texting, although I'm on FB and check in regularly. But I don't really need any up to the minute announcements. One a day is more than I can usually manage.

Oops, wandering again. But that's kind of what it's all about. When you wait, if you allow yourself to just be there, the mind will wander, or examine, or just be there and observe. Some of my best ideas pop up when the mind is clear, open and just hanging around waiting for something interesting to fill it. I've spent many years of my adult life working to achieve just that. A blank, open mind that takes in what's around me in the moment, and isn't waiting for the next thing or searching for something else to think about or waiting for something to fill the void. I'm looking for the void.

I wonder if Buddhism will go by the wayside since no one has an extra second to contemplate life. If meditation will become a lost art. If those brilliant ideas that popped into a resting mind in an earlier age, ideas that changed the world, will become scarce or mediocre.

I guess I'm suggesting that practicing the art of waiting is a valid and worthwhile objective. Every second does not have to be filled. Every moment does not have to be spent trying to be faster, more efficient, or busy. It's OK to stop, smell the roses, or just enjoy the void. At least in my world. If it's not OK in yours I'm really sorry. You're welcome to join my world, but I'd just as soon not become part of yours.

A little here, a little there...

2010-06-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

Lucy is actually coming along, slowly but surely. It certainly helps to have the long days so I have time to spend with her pretty consistently. We play most every day, and sometimes twice a day, time permitting. Well, I call it playing...

At night I bring Lucy into her pen. She spends the night in her pen and has dinner. In the morning, when I can, Lucy and I play a little more, then she gets turned out into the adjacent pasture with Kass. Lucy's world is pretty small since she can't be haltered. Anywhere she goes needs to be accessible from where she is. The pasture next to her pen was made for her. It was taking so long to make any progress that I had to do something to get her out in a pasture, even if it's not big. She gets to graze all day and enjoys being out.

Yesterday we had a bit of a breakthrough. Lucy let me walk up to her and pet her shoulder. No palm, but a nice gentle stroke with the top of my hand. We were in the big pen, not the smaller working area, and I thought it was worth a try to work there. When I got that from her I called it a day. It's the first time Lucy has allowed me, somewhat willingly, to pet her.

Today I was hoping we could start off where we left off. Lucy decided she didn't really want to play with me today. She often decides that. She'd rather get her dinner, or get turned out, or do most anything besides play with me. I'm hoping that changes. But so far no progress there.

She is letting me touch both sides with my working stick. She's fairly calm with it on the one side. Her most fearful side still braces away, expecting something bad. No need to hurry that. I probably wouldn't have even gone to that side if she hadn't offered it a few days ago. When Lucy offers something I sure want to take advantage. Those opportunities don't come along that often.

Today we needed to go into the smaller working pen. Lucy wanted her dinner, and didn't want to mess with me. She makes her opinion pretty clear. Most things are done begrudgingly. We went into the small pen and did some warm up work. She knew where we were going and wasn't certain. But after a few minutes she allowed me to approach and pet her a few strokes.

Of course, with Lucy, she figured that we were done so when I walked away she walked over to the gate, pretty certain that we were done and could call it quits. That wasn't to be today though, so she and I did quite a lot of petting today. Well, a lot for Lucy. She finally decided to turn her head and watch as I touched her shoulder, which I figured was a good thing.

One of the tough things about Lucy is that she has never seemed particularly willing. She is trying, you can tell she's trying. But it's begrudging effort. If she had her way she'd leave and never have contact again. I'm not sure how to change that. She's come a long way, at least she's trying things and considering what I'm asking. But I always feel as though she's just waiting until she's done enough so I'll leave her alone.

I hope I can find the key to Lucy, or Lucy can decide to feel differently about it all. Otherwise we may never have a real breakthrough, and everything we do will be hard work. I don't need much from her. It would be nice to be able to care for her properly, have her feet done, move her to another pasture with more horses, things like that. But she's not particularly interested in doing more than is necessary.

At least she's trying now though. That's something.

It really does break my heart...

2010-06-15T12:36:00.000-07:00

Since I wrote the last blog post about Lucy and rapport, I've been "playing" with Lucy every day, sometimes twice a day. Things have changed. I don't know if it's on the inside of the horse as well as the outside, but I'm hoping. We're still a long way from being anywhere.

I don't know anything about Lucy's past, at least before the feedlot. I don't know how old Lucy is. I'm guessing between 12 and 20. I don't know what breed she is, but I'm guessing Welsh Pony. But it's all up to anyone's guess.

Lately I've been doing a lot of guessing though. In my imaginary world of Lucy, at some point she was a show pony. I really want to hope she was a well-loved child's pony, but you never know. Based on Lucy's behavior, she has been around people. Things that would scare a wild thing just don't scare Lucy, or at least not in the same way. I can toss the string on my stick over her back and it's really no big deal. It can go over to that "other side" and it really doesn't matter. When Lucy's shelter first had stall mats put in she went inside and didn't want to come out. It was like she was finally back home. Sometimes, I think, as we go around that little circle doing what we're doing, that she might even have been on a pony ride and gone round and round the circle. Sometimes she just seems to think that's what we're doing. When I first started working with her with my stick I raised it in a certain way and she parked out like she really knew what she was doing. I'll never know unless someone comes along that knew her when.

But there's one thing that I'm absolutely convinced of. And that is that Lucy was severely abused at some point in her life. I don't know when, or by whom, I am just certain of it. There are a lot of things in her behavior that make me think so, but the thing that just absolutely clinched it for me happened this week when I was working with her.

At the Harry Whitney clinics Lucy was at, they used their flags and managed to touch Lucy. When Lucy came home I started to go there, but Lucy just tolerated it, it wasn't something she wanted to do, it was definitely done under duress. Sometimes that's ok and you just keep working with them and they go, "oh well, that's all there was to it?" and things go on splendidly from there. That didn't seem to be happening with Lucy. I let that go and basically let Lucy just be Lucy for quite a while after that. Kathleen Lindley worked with her and gave me some advice, but we hadn't made any leaps forward. So I've just been doing what I do, mixing it up, and asking for more. Really waiting to see something change in Lucy.

There has been a change. I had noticed it and someone who was watching me with her the other day noticed it too. Lucy was present in the pen, and paying a lot of attention to me. There have also been other changes, like Lucy has begun offering her other side.

I've also been touching her with my stick and string. We started with just tossing the string part over her, and rubbing her a bit with it. We'd always start out moving though, she hasn't wanted to stand still, but then decides it's ok to stop and we've gone from there.

Then this week I started touching her with my stick while she was standing. It's heartbreaking to watch. Why? Well, Lucy's really trying hard. It's evident. In fact she's trying so hard that she is tensing up her whole body and bracing, just waiting for something awful to happen. But she's still offering it up. I wish I could set up my camera because I want to remember this. Not because it's good, but because it sure shows a lot of courage in this pony. Here she is, braced for something terrible. I don't know what, but I'd guess a serious beating. Her whole body braces for it and almost leans into it. It reminds me of a character in an old movie who is tied to a stake and lashed, or something like that. She knows it's coming, she just doesn't know when or how, but it's coming...

The tricky thing with Lucy is that I don't know if Lucy has just said to herself, "it's going to happen, so I'm going to survive it any way I can." Or if she's saying, "I'm going to see if it's going to happen. Maybe it won't, but either way I'm going to be prepared." I don't know which way she's thinking, or if it's something else altogether different. But it's heartbreaking in any case. Because she's preparing herself for something terrible.

Of course, nothing terrible is going to happen to Lucy here. Nothing terrible has, or ever will. I only hope I can get her to believe it.

Rapport and the Feet

2010-06-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

To get to this story I have a little background info I need to share. One of those things is something I rigged up that I call KassCam. It's a camera that I've fitted to one of my horses, my retired mare Kass. Kass often has the run of the ranch, and she visits everyone and hangs out. She's also not hard on her tack so she tolerates the camera unsupervised without breaking everything. I have hours of Kass being Kass around the farm. All filmed from Kass' point of view.

Having viewed hours and hours of Kass' video footage, I can prove that what horses look at is not faces. For the most part it's the ground. I have hours and hours of video of Kass looking at the dirt. She's probably sleeping, resting, or just hanging out, but the view is dirt. When she looks at horses it's usually at feet. Not faces, not butts, not necks or barrels, it's feet.

Last week Kathleen Lindley was here for a clinic. One of the clinic participants was Lucy, our PERN's very troubled feedlot pony Lucy. Lucy hasn't come along very far. She arrived troubled, she's still troubled, and I imagine she will be troubled for a while unless something miraculous happens. I've tried lots of stuff with her but we've been stuck for a while.

Lucy has been to a couple of clinics including Harry Whitney for two weeks, and our friend Gail Ivey has spent time working with Lucy. Progress has been made, but Lucy's attitude is basically that she'd just as soon leave the people behind. In spite of being fearful and untrusting, she'll take a nip at you now and then. I think she's pretty angry and fed up, so a lot of what I usually try just doesn't work with her. When progress has been made you can tell it's grudging. She's complying because she doesn't feel she has a choice, but give her a choice and she'd be out of there in no time flat.

Lucy did make some progress with Kathleen, but it wasn't really quantifiable. Kathleen did help me with some good advice on how to work with Lucy. No miracle plan, but I'm upping the pressure and the focus is a little different.

With those little clues to proceed it also made me think about something else. At my day job I do something called instructional design. Basically I design training for corporate employees. Recently I designed a course that included a section on building rapport. It got me thinking. What if I could find a way to build rapport with Lucy. I know that's kind of one of the goals all along, but I thought I'd try using some of the human rapport-building tactics. There's really nothing to lose.

Rapport is basically using "commonalities" to build rapport and improve relationship. Rapport can also help to build trust. With people it's usually things like talking and finding common ground such as family, upbringing, hobbies, etc. You can also build rapport by using similar body language, tone of voice, etc. I don't mean mocking or mimicry, but think about talking with a friend and you both lean toward each other, maybe use similar gestures. Most of it is natural and you don't have to work at it, but sometimes it helps to be conscious of it and make an effort with someone new.

So, I started thinking, what if I tried to build rapport with Lucy. We don't have a lot of things we can do. I can't have a conversation and ask her about her background, and it's a little hard to copy body language. Having thought about it I decided I'd concentrate on the feet. I'm not terribly coordinated or athletic, but I can walk. Even if Lucy decides to trot, if I'm on the inside and she's on the outside my feet don't have to trot. I can just see if I can synchronize my steps to hers.

I've been giving it a try the last couple of days. I'm not sure if it's "working" or not, but Lucy definitely watches my feet. She's moving her feet a lot less, and a lot slower. She seems to be aware of my feet all the time. She's very curious about it too. Curiousity isn't something Lucy expresses much. Instead of moving in a complete circle around me she will go a few steps and stop. Her strides are shorter and the number of steps are fewer.

I don't know what, if anything, will happen. Nothing over night I'm sure. With Lucy it takes a long time to get a little. But you never know. I'll have to think what else I can do to build rapport. It does make me think about things a little differently too. And a little rapport, if we can manage it, certainly won't hurt.

Kindle Review Part Two

2009-11-17T12:51:00.000-08:00

This is for all those folks that said they wanted to see what I thought of of my Kindle before they bought one. If you do decide to buy one, please click on the link below so PERN gets 4% of your purchase price as a donation.

So here's a bit about the Kindle's features.

The Text Menu

Using one of the keypad buttons you can bring up the text menu. The text menu allows you to change the font size and the number of words per line. I haven't really done anything with the words per line, but have adjusted the font size. There are a number of different sizes, so you can set it up for whatever is most comfortable for you.

The text menu also allows you to turn on Text-to-Speech. This feature is definitely not on a par with a real audiobook, but for what it is it's not bad. The text is read phonetically, which can at times be difficult to decipher. You can also set the voice to be male or female, and set the speed of the speech. It would be handy if you wanted to have the newspaper or some sort of articles read to you when you were otherwise occupied. Not something I'd recommend for a good book.

Search

Then there's search and basic web, which I guess is currently in the experimental stage. You can search the text in the books on your Kindle, search the Amazon Kindle store, search Wikipedia and search the New Oxford American Dictionary. Pretty handy. There's also a basic web capability which I haven't really explored. Maybe it's my age, or something but the computer is so much easier to use and easier to view. But it's there. There's no charge for the access since Whispernet comes with the Kindle.

Notes, Highlights and Bookmarks

I may have to change my ways since I've never been one to write notes or anything in my books. I keep them so I've always felt like I was ruining the book to write in it, dogear the pages, or whatever. Not the case with the Kindle. Just click the menu, locate the area on the page where you want to include a note or highlight, and type away with the keypad. There have been a few times when I've wanted to save a phrase or sentence for later, so maybe I'll actually follow through on it now.

Last but not least, if you get the Kindle spring for a cover. It doesn't appear fragile, but I can't imagine what would happen if I dropped it. I didn't initially order one, but it's on my list.

That's it for now. I'm still on The Case of Jennie Brice but have many more free books to read when I'm done with that one. I can hardly wait!

Kindle Review Part One

2009-11-16T12:56:00.000-08:00

When the Kindle first came out I wasn't particularly excited. I love books, I love reading and I love reading books. There's something about the feel, smell and look of a book that I enjoy. I don't really prefer hardbacks over soft covers, but I do have a fondness for fancy leather covers like Easton Press books. I also keep all my books and have, literally, thousands of books in boxes in my garage. I don't want a big house but I do want a huge library. So the Kindle just didn't excite me much.

Then I was watching one of my favorite shows, Charlie Rose, with Jeff Bezos being interviewed. I got hooked. There was something about it that was book-like. And the thought of having thousands of books in a single little object that you could read just like a book just enchanted me. Not to mention instant gratification of book lust with instant download at your fingertips. Yes, I was hooked.

I went to the website and looked and, well, it was just pricey. Too pricey. I just couldn't see how I could justify it. I mean how many books could I buy for the cost of one Kindle? And I often buy cheap books so the $9.99 per book wasn't very appealing. So, with reluctance, I passed the Kindle by.

Months, or was it years? went by. The new Kindle was launched. Even more attractive with some nice features that sounded interesting. Like searching a book for a phrase. How many times have I wished I could do that with my paper books? That may have been an earlier feature, but it was more appealing now. And then I discovered FREE books. Classics that have been scanned and edited for the Kindle. OK, you really got me now. I do have a fondness for classics. And there was a wide range. And some books for pennies, yes literally pennies. OK. I'm seriously hooked. But that price...

Coincidentally I found I had no more time for my favorite game Equination. I started selling off my digital ponies and ended up with a fair bit of cash. And there was that pocket change that I hadn't counted in years. Well, between the two the Kindle was in my reach. Yeehaw! Early Christmas gift for me.

I ordered my Kindle and was full of anticipation for its arrival. I had already come to terms with the fact that the Kindle Whispernet (AT&T) wasn't in range of my house. Oh well. I figured I could go into town and download my books. Not much of a hardship, after all I needed to go to the store or the office anyway. My Kindle could ride along and download while I was in range. In the meantime I started shopping all those free titles.

Before my Kindle had even arrived I had 52 books waiting for download and hadn't spent a penny.

As luck would have it my Kindle was on the slow boat and seemed to take forever. I guess I've been spoiled in the past because my usual Amazon order usually gets here in less than a week. Not so my Kindle. I checked progress daily only to see it was in Transit. Oh well. Finally, on Friday, I checked it's progress only to see it had been delivered! Yippee!!!

Since I live in a rural area my mail doesn't come to my house. It's either dropped into my mailbox a couple of miles away, or at the PO. Expecting it to be in a big box I took Kyrie out for a ride, and on the way home stopped at the PO to pick it up. What? It's not there? Ok, I guess it's in my mailbox.

So the first thing is, kudos to Amazon for sanity in packaging. It's in a small box that fits in my offical mailbox just fine and dandy. No shrink wrap, no annoying plastic, just a box with stuff in it. I zip on home to unveil my new toy!

The Kindle comes in a very unassuming brown cardboard box. When you open it, there's your Kindle sitting snugly in the box and just under it is a minimalist brown paper multi-fold "Getting Started" manual with instructions on one side and all the annoying unreadable fine print on the backside. And under that is the only accessory that comes with it. The combination USB/power cord, which they must have learned from Apple's iPod because it's smaller and easier to plug in. The more in-depth manual is logically installed on your Kindle.

I promptly plugged in my Kindle and turned it on. Amazingly I actually had coverage. Lousy coverage with only one bar (which at times jumps to two and means I have 3G coverage). But luckily it was sufficient to download the books I wanted quickly. Before I was even done looking at the menu and exploring my Kindle all my selections were downloaded. No trip to town needed!

There are very few settings with the Kindle. It comes pre-set registered to whoever bought it. It already knew who I was and automatically began downloading. Nothing required from me to get things started.

The menu is minimalist and consists of:

Turn Wireless Off -- which does save the battery
Shop in Kindle Store -- more on that in the next installment
View Archived Items -- which is apparently books I've already read and in my case only contains the Kindle Users Guide
Search -- which allows you to search your items, the Kindle store, Google, dictionary, wikipedia or go to the web. I haven't done any searches so will have more on that later.
Settings -- there aren't many. Registration if you got it as a gift or are giving it to someone else, your device name which you can change on the Kindle directly or the Amazon web site, your device email address so you can send documents to your Kindle, and personal info. I've put my name and address in there for now.

My review so far?

First, I am disappointed in the screen. It's ok, but not great. It's clear, but I'd really prefer higher contrast between the text and background. The contrast is similar to a book, but it's not great. It's not backlighted or anything, so you need to read in good light as you would a book. That's actually ok as far as I'm concerned. But higher contrast would be better.

Downloads even in poor circumstances with one bar are quick and easy. You don't even notice.

It's easy to use. There isn't much to learn. It turns on and off, you have a short menu and a tiny button to make selections. There aren't many selections to make so it's easy enough. There are next page, previous page and home page buttons. Charging is easy and it falls asleep when unused. There is even a line in the sleep screen (which changes each time) that reminds you how to wake your Kindle.

I got to a slow start actually reading books on my Kindle. I had another book I was enjoying too much to set aside so finished it up before reading anything on my Kindle. So far I've read The Castle of Otranto by Horace Walpole (1717-1797). Not the most engaging read of my lifetime, but what do you expect for the 1700s? I just started The Case of Jennie Brice by Mary Roberts Rinehart, 1876-1958.

More to come as I get to know my Kindle better.

Today's things to be thankful for...

2009-10-13T18:55:00.000-07:00

When the weather comes in and slaps you about a bit it's hard to look on the bright side. Besides, the bright side is looming clouds, downpours of rain, smashing wind and the destruction to our best laid plans the weather brings with it. So today, to keep my head on straight I decided to be thankful.

Today's things to be thankful for:

The huge branch from the tree missed the house and the propane tank.
The part of the branch that came down on the fence didn't need a chain saw to remove it.
I know people who like wielding chain saws.
I repaired two fences without requiring any replacement insulators.
I have already bought a replacement for the carport so although the current one is now in shreds I don't have to shop for a new one.
I have a garage to park the quad loaded with hay until I construct a new carport.
Although all the work Jeff and I did on the hillside below the arena this weekend was trashed, the bales stayed in place - and the plastic sheeting is still in the vicinity.
I don't have to go to the laundromat to wash my clothes when I come inside the house soaking wet.
The new dog learned something new about electric fence today.
I can use the wood stove now there's not a fire danger.

The tension between a quiet mind and the digital world

2009-10-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

Over the past few days I've been participating in a virtual conference on learning. In general, it was about utilizing Web 2.0 for learning purposes. That is a great simplification, and details are not really important for this post. There were a lot of interesting sessions and one, in particular, got to me. It was one depicting a typical user of today's technology constantly involved in updating and checking in with the online world. Going about my chores this evening it finally dawned on me that what has always bothered me about this. My problem is, how can I be a part of the digital world and still have a quiet mind.

See for me, I've always had a very busy mind. I'm always thinking. My mind can be like a commuter train filled with people with all kinds of ideas and directions going on at the same time. I have to constantly work to stop that train, look out the window and enjoy the scenery -- the scenery of the place where I am at this very moment in time -- and for more than a moment.

I don't think everyone has a busy mind. It may be a mind for these days and times, but it's not the mind I'm cultivating. I'm trying to cultivate the quiet mind. The mind that is in the present, in the here, in the now. The mind that sits back, relaxes and watches the grass grow, feels the sun, listens to the birds and breathes. But here I am in the digital age and then some, and the world is not going to stop and smell the roses, so what do I do?

Maybe if I wasn't into horses, well a certain way with horses, it wouldn't matter. Until I got on this path I didn't even realize I had a busy mind. But when you're riding a good horse and your mind goes in all kinds of directions, so does your horse. And when you're working with a horse and your mind drifts away how I can I expect the horse to stay present with me. I can't. The horse knows I've just left and I'm no help so he's sure not going to look to me for help and direction.

So I've been working really hard on developing a quiet mind. I live in the country, which definitely helps. There's no traffic on my road, in fact most cell phones don't even work out here. Needless to say I don't give out my cell phone number because I sure don't want a phone call when I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. And when it does ring, well, you can imagine what it sounds like.

I'm not choking on the dust of the so-called digital highway. I've worked in high tech for years, have a few web sites, I'm on Facebook regularly, am slowly weaning myself off Equination (really one can have too much fun), so I'm participating. In fact in my family we have four generations on Facebook. Top that!

But I still want that quiet mind. I don't want to update my Facebook status minute by minute, I'm bored by Twitter, I loathe people who are in line at the store and talking on the phone oblivious to their surroundings. But here I am writing a blog with the expectation that somebody out there will read it.

So for me there's tension between my two worlds. Maybe that's the way it was as society moved from an agrarian society to an urban society. I know society has changed from generation to generation. I'm still pretty happy straddling both worlds. And so far, working on the quiet mind is winning out, well, at least I'm still working on it. Hopefully there will always be room for people like me.

Reminding me of the good in people...

2009-09-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

Not that I'm particularly jaded, except when it comes to politics! But today something happened that really made me feel good about a lot of things, including horse people.

This morning I got another email asking for help to place/foster a horse. I was just one among many on the distribution, which had been forwarded by someone else to their distribution. I imagine it had gone out to at least 50 people.

This isn't unusual. I get emails all the time as part of someone's distribution list for rescues, or horse people, or whatever. Sometimes they come directly to me from someone looking for help with their own horse, sometimes it's just forwarded to me because they didn't know what else to do. Sadly, nearly always, I have to say No. With the economy and our finances the way they are, taking on more horses just isn't responsible. I trust day by day that we'll have sufficient funds for whatever comes along. But I no longer ask for trouble. No one said it would be easy...

Well anyway this particular email came along. It was about an older mustang who needed to either be fostered or placed in a new home. The reason was that his owner was a soldier going to Afghanistan. He couldn't afford to pay for board while he was overseas, and had no idea how long his tour would last. He was doing his best to find a good situation for his horse before time ran out and he had to leave.

This particular story really struck home with me. I won't even list the reasons why, it's pretty self-explanatory. Anyway, I thought about it and tried to figure out a way to help and something came along. I gave him a call to offer support as back-up.

After about 2 seconds into the phone call I even got choked up. I mean really, it's one of those stories. And the really wonderful thing was that he was overwhelmed by the support of people offering to help. It was good news all around. We chatted for a couple of minutes, I offered my support and wished him a safe trip and a safe return.

I guess what struck me was how wonderful it was that people were there. I didn't know him, chances are most people didn't. I run a rescue but chances are most people who contacted him don't. They were just going to make room for a horse to help a serviceman out. It really made me feel good about horse people and thankful to be among a group of people that do care.

So that's it, that's the story. It's a nice one with a happy ending. It did get me to wondering how many men and women in the armed forces are in the same position. I hope they all get the same kind of help and support that was offered in this case.

Am I good enough?

2009-08-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of horses around here. In fact there are more horses than anyone needs -- which is why I hope some of P.E.R.N.'s horses get homes soon -- like now! A while ago I decided I needed to ride one of our rescue horses. Actually have one as my own riding horse. After all I believe they can do anything, so why not prove it?

When I ended up with the trailer loads of Standardbreds I decided to pick one of them for my horse. I like bays, I like mares and they seemed to be sane and sensible. I chose one of them, Kyrie, to be my riding horse.

Kyrie had been ridden before by the breeder's wife. As the story goes, she'd put a horse in the barn in a stall, saddle it, mount and have one of the barn guys open the stall door and there you have it -- riding horse! Kyrie was one of those. I think she rode her a few times but I have a feeling her expectations for a riding horse were different than mine. For example I am interested in a horse that knows how to turn, back, understands stop, can transition up and down, and feels comfortable being ridden. I suppose that last point is really the most important point.

Melissa Pelletier put a couple of rides on Kyrie and then I rode her in a Kathleen Lindley clinic. We really never got past the basics such as turning and stopping. She needed quite a bit of practice at the basics. Unfortunately none of my saddles fit her and she's pretty serious about a good fitting saddle and lets you know clearly when she's not happy about the fit. It took me a while to find a saddle that fit her ok, but it was so big that I had to get a pad. And so on and so on. The joys of saddle fitting!

Finally rode her a few times in the arena, then we started getting out on the trail to practice for our camping trip. We went out with a buddy and I let her take her time. She was very willing, and her confidence grew, and by the time we returned from camping she'd gone solo a couple of times on the trail, had gone through creeks, was okay in a corral with bears traipsing through at night, and was a pro at crossing bridges. Once we got home we went on our first group ride that just happened to be a moonlight ride. She did very well. Since then I haven't had a chance to go out on the trail but I've been riding some in the arena. In fact I did so tonight.

I know I'm taking a long time to get to the point, but it kind of matters.

Tonight I had about an hour so decided to ride in the arena. I can get bored in there so I try to come up with some things to do that Kyrie and I can focus on. I'm no good at just going round and round. I think she gets bored too.

We've started working on laterals. I'm asking her to move her hindquarters now and we're making good progress. We're working on staying on the rail in both directions. Of course trotting with a goal of smooth upward and downward transitions (I LOVE to trot!). Her upward transitions are pretty good. Downward still needs work. And of course following that nose either straight or in the turn. Lots of basics, and good things to be working on.

As I was riding I started to get a little frustrated. We weren't turning well to the left. The right was absolutely perfect -- in fact better than perfect. We weren't doing a great job of staying on the rail. She was transitioning to the trot when I hadn't asked, and when we approached the gate to see about moving those hindquarters over her nose was just at the gate and we had to go on past.

Days like these make me think this horse is just too good for me. Because when I thought it through, I realized she was only doing what I'd asked. She just didn't need cues she was doing what I was thinking and that was enough of an ask for her.

Like the gate. Of course when you go to a gate with the expectation of opening it, your nose goes first. Right? She doesn't know that I need to get her to pass the gate, then step sideways into the gate so I can open it. We haven't done that before. As soon as I thought it through and thought about what had happened during our ride, it dawned on me that she was doing what I was thinking about and was getting frustrated with me for asking her to do the wrong thing. As soon as I realized that, I thought about what I needed her to do, and she easily did it. I didn't think about the gate, but the actions that we needed to do in order for me to get to the point to open the gate. Voila! Horse standing quietly alongside the gate waiting for me to open it.

What about those transitions. I'm thinking that maybe I'll ask for a trot over there. Well I think trot and I get trot. Same goes for stop. I think stop and I get stop. I think downward transition and I get downward transition. Funny too, she is chomping on the bit a lot less when I'm asking for what I'm thinking about. It's definitely clearing that up for her and making her feel better about things.

Of course she doesn't always do what I'm thinking, but she does enough that she's making me really get my thinking as clear as possible. I tend to be a busy minded person and think about all kinds of things. I know horses pick these things up and I've ridden a lot of horses who do similar things. But I haven't ridden a horse that was green and so in tune to me. Whether it's really reading my mind or reading the subtleties in my body movement I don't know. Doesn't really matter. The point is that I need to be really present and clear.

And all those times when she was veering toward the gate was it me thinking about ending our ride, or her wanting to go to the gate? Unfortunately I have a feeling it was as much me, if not more, than Kyrie. She likes to get out and work. She's got a fabulous work ethic.

So my question is, am I good enough for this horse? Hopefully I can be. I don't want to dull this amazing sense and willingness she has by my inability to be clear for her. She's an amazing horse. These Standardbreds consistently amaze me at how in tune they are with people and how willing. Nobody taught her to be this great, she just is. Pretty amazing, huh?

Drama Queens

2009-08-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

I can only imagine what search topics will bring this blog up. But no, this isn't about sexual preference, royalty or thespians. It's about your typical garden variety drama queen.

We've all met a few. Maybe even some of us qualify as drama queens ourselves. I personally try to stay away from them. I don't need unnecessary drama. Life brings about plenty without any help from anyone stirring up the pot.

But this isn't even about human drama queens. I'm really talking about drama queens of the equine variety. I've had a few, seen a few, and have a few today. I'm not a psychologist, so can't say if some of the same attributes for equine drama queens hold true for humans, so I'll leave that alone. But if the equine variety resembles some drama queens you know, then maybe that's something worth thinking about.

Anyway, I first started thinking about drama queens when I started lunging Great Company a few weeks ago. Great Company is one of our Standardbred rescues. She was a racing Standardbred, then retired for breeding. Her pedigree is very nice, but she wasn't much of a winner while she was racing. She came here with a large group of Standardbreds and is a lovely mare with a kind eye and friendly disposition.

I didn't spend much time with most of them when they first arrived. Thankfully many of them found homes quickly and that was definitely a blessing. Great Company went home with a wonderful family, but she turned out not to be a great candidate for a trail horse. They've since found another family horse (yes one of ours) and Great Company came back to P.E.R.N.

The first time I lunged Great Company -- from here on out she'll just be GC because it is an awfully long name to keep writing -- she was quite the drama queen. First I turned her out into the arena just to get a feel for it. Her tail went up and she started galloping around frantically. Well, not quite frantically. It was almost as though she was on display and wanted everyone else to get as pumped up as she was. Lunging was no better. She reared up, backed up, galloped, did all kinds of things that aren't what I'd been asking for. I watched her do all this drama but really didn't see that there was a lot of serious conviction behind it. Yes it was big and dramatic, but something about her said to me that she didn't really mean it. That all the drama was somehow to be expected. And why didn't I have a dramatic response to all her drama? Well, I didn't. Actually I thought it was kind of funny. She was never out of control, just VERY dramatic. When she finally settled down enough for a brief lunge at the walk in each direction I called it a day.

I didn't have time to work with her for a while so the next time I expected we'd be back to square one. I turned her out in the arena first, and she did what most of them do. Walked around, looked around for any manure remains from other horses, munched on some of dry grass at the edge of the arena, and generally acted about like your average horse when I turn them out in the arena. She was actually quite good at lunging too. We managed a walk, trot and stop in both directions, and then it was back to the pasture. There was a little drama in it, but not all that much.

Next time we reverted back to drama. Not sure what the trigger was. If I had to guess I'd say she thought it was expected, so decided to give it a last big try. It wasn't as much drama as last time, but there was definitely a little rearing and panicked backing. But we settled in on some successful lunging and did some other rope work to help her build some softness. She was pretty bracey so we worked on that. I imagine we'll be working on that for quite a while. Then back to pasture she went.

Meanwhile, a few other changes were going on around the ranch and GC was put in a small pasture on her own. She doesn't really like being alone. She can see other horses, on both sides of her pasture, but when the little herd of mares is out of sight at the far end of their pasture she can get downright panicky. At least for the first few days. She'd trot along the fence and whinny, I'm sure asking them to hurry back. They ignored her and went about their business. Even the most die hard drama queen can get bored with that so she has been settling down. In fact if nobody is around and I'm in the house she'll hang out just below my bedroom window. I talk to her through the window once in a while. She likes the company. Things definitely got calmer, although she still isn't thrilled with only herself for company.

This latest time I planned to lunge her I wasn't sure what to expect. I wanted to capture some video of her moving, and wasn't sure if just turning her out in pasture would work or if I'd need to lunge her. Seriously a rearing, dramatic horse doesn't make good video footage for a prospective adopter. So I figured I'd play it by ear.

I turned her out and realized pretty quickly that liberty in the arena wasn't going to get us any video of movement. She wandered around and then began following me. I wasn't about to gallop around the arena to encourage her so we opted for lunging. And she was a peach. No drama, better at the cues, interested in what's going on, and generally quiet about the whole thing. She was even a little less bracey, which was a nice improvement.

Anyway, it got me to thinking. And I don't know if this holds true for all drama queens, but I have a feeling for GC it's really about REALLY wanting attention. She's kind of an insecure horse. Not really overly so, after all, she's a Standardbred. My NSH mare Kass could really get into some high drama and insecurity was her middle name. I don't think GC could compete with Kass in her day. But if you aren't ok by yourself, then it's pretty hard to be ok with others. And if the feedback and attention you get is bigger when you're being dramatic, then maybe you end up being more dramatic to feed that insecurity. I think it kind of works that way with people I've known who fit into the drama queen category.

I figure that if I, and whoever gives this wonderful mare a long-term home, reinforce that she's really ok, and reward the good behavior and don't reward the drama, things will eventually settle down for her. I've known other horses that can get pretty dramatic, but a lot of those horses are just kind of made that way. They have higher energy, are even less secure, and have a harder time focusing. GC isn't really like that. She can really seem to be like that, but if you look past that you can really see a horse just trying to get along in the world. Other dramatic horses I've known usually settle down when they understand what's expected of them and their world is a predictable and safe place.

We'll keep working on building her confidence and rewarding the lack of drama. I think she'll get along just fine.

Who's the Boss?

2009-08-20T20:09:00.000-07:00

I'm always moving horses around for various reasons. A new horse comes, another goes, I need one to move up closer to the house so I can work with it, rotating pastures, whatever. There's lots of reasons why I move horses around. The goal is always to have the horses in the pasture all get along and avoid pasture drama.

A short while ago one of the Standardbreds who had been placed returned to P.E.R.N. Great Company returned and Danielle went off and has made a better match with the family. One of the bits of information told to me when Great Company returned was that she was very dominant and caused a lot of drama in the pasture.

Well, Great Company had been here before and I hadn't noticed any issues so I just turned her out in the pasture with Kyrie another Standardbred, and in a few minutes all was well. No big deal.

Meanwhile other things were happening. I needed to move Whisky and Susie from their pasture when Whisky apparently rolled and ended up outside of the pasture. It happened after months of no problem, but that particular fence only has two strands of electric fence. All the others have 3 or 4, so he just got lucky I guess. Plus Whisky is a roll-a-holic. Anyway, when that happened Whisky went over to visit with Kyrie and Great Company and, to make a long story short, pretty much trashed the fence. Turns out both Great Company and Whisky are both serious drama queens so when you move them around you've really got to plan. Whisky was moved elsewhere, and Susie was moved in with Kyrie and Great Company. Then I took Kyrie out since I was going camping.

Did you follow that? It's always a serious case of musical chairs with long pauses between moving horses then waiting for everyone to calm down before you put anyone else in the pasture.

So then there's just Susie and Great Company. Billy got lucky and someone wants to work with her, so I needed to bring her up. I put her in with Susie and Great Company but that didn't work out so well for us people. Great Company seemed to incite Billy into doing things, like walking off when we'd come out to get her, so something had to be done. That meant mixing the horses all up again.

So, what to do? Well, first I took everybody out of the pasture and put them out in the arena. The first to return was Susie. Susie is never at the top of the heap and usually at the bottom. Susie wants nothing more than to please, and seems to enjoy people more than horses. So Susie was first.

Then I put Kyrie in. No drama there. Kyrie tends to be a quiet and a pretty benign leader of the herd. She does like to be leader though. With Susie not being a dominant horse then it was an easy entry and no drama. Then I moved Billy in. Billy has never been dominant and is almost always second in command. Sometimes lower in the herd, but never at the top. So I figured after a day or so it would be Kyrie at the top, Billy, then Susie. After a couple of days of calm I could move Great Company in and if all went well Kyrie would stay top horse.

I don't know if you've ever really noticed feeding habits in a herd, but generally the head horse gets to eat first, the second in line horse second, and so on. Rarely do they share food until after they've started eating and hierarchy has been established. I've watched this over and over and that's just usually the way things are. And it's the way it's always been with these three.

So what happens? Well first day everything went as planned. Billy came in, Kyrie said she was boss and that was that. I heard some squealing during the night, but nothing more than usual. Breakfast was the same, but when I fed dinner it turned out that Billy was at the top. That was a first. But I knew I couldn't put Great Company back in with Billy at the head because then Great Company would be head horse and there's be non-stop drama. Not good.

So I figure give it a few days and see what happens. Well, the next day it appears Kyrie is at the head. But maybe not. Kyrie starts eating and Billy walks up and starts eating with her. There's some pinned ears, they keep eating, then Kyrie leaves and eats with Susie. Another unusual thing.

Next day just about the same thing, but Kyrie starts eating with Susie. Next day Kyrie and Billy. I can't figure it out. So far it seems as though Kyrie and Billy are both leaders, or else someone is leader but it's so low key I can't say for sure who it is.

This is definitely a new one for me. I'm going to have to wait and see what happens next. Meanwhile, Great Company is in a smaller pasture within sight of the pasture with Kyrie and Billy. Great Company is learning to live with herself. Probably a good thing.

Mr. Darcy -- Bad boy with money

2009-08-19T20:59:00.000-07:00

I can't remember the first time I read Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Must have been years ago. The entire series of Jane Austen books has space on one of my bookshelves and I reread them on a regular basis. Some people have comfort foods, I have comfort books. I've actually said, "when the going gets tough, the tough read Jane Austen". I also have the wonderful BBC Pride and Prejudice series as well as Persuasion. I definitely love Jane Austen.

The last few years I've seen more and more books written as follow-ups to Austen stories and characters, alternate universes, with Austen characters, mysteries starring Jane herself, and stories about people who love the Austen novels. Diversity in Jane Austen follow-up novels and stories abounds.

I've been pretty annoyed at some of the newer movies and spin-off books because they are far from realistic. Sexual mores since Jane Austen's time, believe it or not, have changed!

But back to the original subject. As much as I love Jane Austen and her books, I somehow can't get my mind around the love affair everyone seems to have with Mr. Darcy. It's true Colin Firth in the BBC production does cut a fine figure. But still, really, the man is a pompous ass.

I have a feeling Elizabeth's attraction to Darcy begins with his inaccessibility. After all, he doesn't seem to like anyone, disdains one and all, and seems to hold everyone but Bingley with contempt. He appears to be a good looking guy, but his personality leaves something to be desired. But of course there's his money.

Austen seems to have spun a story common today. Marrying someone because of their appearance while overlooking their substance. True, Darcy does come through and has a code of honor that he's committed to, but he spends most of the story looking down his nose at everyone. I can just see the first below the belt argument, when Darcy curses the day he married beneath himself. And in the real world, he would.

Of course Elizabeth is not blameless. As she freely admits to Jane, when asked when it was she realized she was in love, "It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began. But I believe I must date it from my first seeing his beautiful grounds at Pemberley." Yes, actually seeing her potential new home in which her current home would fit into the foyer, well I'm sure it influenced her.

Call me jaded, but as much as I love Jane Austen, I don't think Darcy and Elizabeth live happily ever after.

If you haven't had a chance to read Jane, Project Gutenberg makes it easy. You can download a .pdf or audio format of Pride and Prejudice here.